In this tutorial a Band is had by us 7 essay graded by an.

First it is possible to browse the essay, and directly after we break down which sentences helped this essay score a Band 7.

Each criteria has been considered while the sentence into the essay has been colour coded to correspond towards the fours marking criteria used because of the British Council / IELTS IDP.

This tutorial will allow you to understand:

  • How a Band is got by an essay 7
  • What sentence structures and language will become necessary for a Band 7
  • Ways to smoothly link ideas

The population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people at the present time. Do the advantages of the situation outweigh the disadvantages?

It really is well known that some countries have a population with an increase of young people than old people. Even this fact could have both advantages and disadvantages, In my experience the positive implications of getting a youthful population over-weigh the negative ones. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages examples that are giving support both point of view.

On one side, having more younger people may lead to too little professionals into the society. Older population may be more educated as compared to young one, this might be being why they usually have had more time to analyze a career that is professional their lives. For instance, to become an expert physician it is needed at the very least ten years of university studies and also this is almost certainly not able for a young adult yet. In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s may have been through a complete lot in life and so they may be more ready to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This could make it possible to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations will probably have higher level of crime, this may be because young people have more energy to commit crime than old people. A study through the University of Chile indicated that when you look at the south of Chile, in which the population is mainly young, the rate of robs and crimes where twice greater than within the north where the majority of the population where within their 50’s and older.

On the other hand, youthful populations come in general more active and more happy. This can be because they have less old age-associated illness leading them to focus more and continue maintaining them-self more energetic. Adding to the fact that healthy people can work more proficiently, with this particular they could donate to the economy associated with the country, earning profits instead of spending. As an example, it’s true that old societies fork out a lot of cash in health with their old citizens. Another positive part of having young adult populations is there are more likelihood of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have more some you can find out more time more energy than old people to practice and start to become an excellent sport professional. In soccer all of the players retires from their soccer-career when they turn thirty yrs old. With old people there is no right time for you to start an activity career. And last but most certainly not least, young societies are more inclined to have outdoor activities for the community. This could be as they are more proactive in organize those activities and also very likely to take part in them. Old people could be too tired to venture out.

To conclude with all the arguments given above, I firmly think that some great benefits of youthful population over-weigh the disadvantages. And even though, there are some positive components of having an adult population
that people should think about.

It is well known that some countries have a population with more people that are young old people (TR1). Even (CC1) this fact may have both advantages and disadvantages, In (GR1) my estimation the positive implications of having a population that is youthful the negative ones (TR2). This essay will talk about the benefits and drawbacks (LR1) giving examples to aid both point of view.

TR1 – Good to begin with by paraphrasing the question.

CC1 – Check the meaning / use of ‘even’.
GR1 – Check your utilization of punctuation.
TR2– good to clearly state your opinion.
LR1 – A bit repetitive. Try to vary your usage of vocabulary when you can.

On one side (CC2) / (TR3) having more younger people may lead to deficiencies in professionals when you look at the society. Older population may be much more educated as compared to young one, this is being why (LR2) they usually have had more time to study an expert career in their lifes (LR3) . For example (CC3) / (TR4) , in order to become an expert physician it is needed at the least ten years of university studies and this may not be able for a adult that is young (GR3). In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s (LR4) might have been through a lot in life (LR5) plus they may become more ready to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This could assist to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations are going to have high rate of crime, this might be because young people do have more energy to commit crime than old people. A report from the University of Chile (TR5) indicated that into the south of Chile, in which the population is mainly young (GR4) , the rate of robs (LR6) and crimes where twice greater than in the north where all of the population where in their 50’s and older.

CC2 – a proper phrase to introduce very first ‘body paragraph’.

TR3 – Good organisation / use of paragraphing.
LR2 – because
LR3 life that is–singular), lives (plural)
CC3 – Appropriate language to introduce an illustration.
TR4 – Good to include an illustration to support your idea.
GR3 – some nagging problems with sentence structure here. Perhaps ‘specialist physicians require at least… and young adults have not yet had time for you to accumulate this knowledge..’?
LR4 – Perhaps ‘who are over fifty’.
LR5 – Perhaps a bit regarding the side that is informal but lovely natural utilization of language.
TR5 – Again, good to use examples to guide your comments.
GR4 – Accurate use of a clause that is relative.
LR6 – Take care here. ‘Rob’ is a verb – together with noun is ‘robbery’.

On the other side hand (CC4) / (TR6), youthful populations have been in general more energetic and more happy. This can be because (CC5) they usually have less old age-associated illness leading them to the office more and continue maintaining them-self more active (LR7) . Contributing to the truth that healthy people can perhaps work more efficiently, using this they could contribute to the economy regarding the country, earning money rather than spending (GR4) . By way of example, the simple truth is that old societies spend a lot of income in health for their citizens that are oldLR8) . Another positive element of having adult that is young is there are more odds of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have significantly more some time more energy than
old visitors to practice and be an sport professional that is excellent. In soccer all the players retires (GR5) from their soccer-career if they turn thirty yrs old (LR9 ). With old people there would be no time to start a sport career. And last but most certainly not least (CC6) , young societies are more likely to have outdoor activities for the community. This could be as they are more proactive in organize those activities and in addition prone to participate in them. Old people may be too tired to go out.